aphrodisiac attack!

Warning! Shameless slatternly self-promulgation ahead:

Check out this article I wrote for Examiner.com on what else? Aphrodisiacs in your cosmetics, of course!

Key in some comments, "like" it on Facebook, subscribe to my articles - this all helps me rake in, like, hella pennies.

And if by reading my article you feel tempted to obtain some of those beautifying inventions for yourself, click on the links provided and score them at my Amazon store.

Ok enough! Now grab an umbrella and make it rain already!

And like you even need to ask. Of course this is how I write my inspirational war paint testimonials. I just feel it adds a sense of comfort and support not often found in the standard recliner littered with stale strips of turkey jerky and ancient Dorito dust.

my mane girl

Today I get to spend time with someone who is both lusciously foxy and endlessly entertaining. A pleasure to dish with and a dazzling babe of phenomenal virtuosity, she graciously bestows upon me the contents within her magical treasure trove: the gifts of coiffure, color, compelling conversation, and ice cold mutha-effin' 40'z. Oh, and did I mention her scissor swagger is the biz? This killer kitty somehow managed to brilliantly save me from a tragic haircut that to this day still gives me blood-curdling chills when I come across it in old photos right before ripping them to shreds. Ladies, unless you are a trained professional, don't even think about fashioning up some homemade kitchen sink Bettie bangs. You'll look unspeakably ridiculous, and I don't want to have to snag the snapshots to further illustrate why it's a bad idea.

So Jen, you know I've been having a brunette moment lately, but how do you feel about this look down here? Nothing too flashy, maybe just a few of the ends severed off.

xoxo kitty cat!

la bella mafia

If you're feeling sleazy and have any desire to read a fascinating and thrilling saga devoted to sex, drugs, glamour, murder and the Mafia, I suggest you get lost in Jackie Collins' series chronicling the fantastically naughty Santangelo family. My girl Lucky is killin' it in these juicy page turners with enough slick, sexy intrigue to hook you in and keep you chewing for days. Equal parts sagacious mob princess and tireless tycoon, Miss Lady manages to do the damn thing in all her tawdry high-heeled, glossy red talon glory. I won't dish too deep on any of the key plot lines, but where the hell else can you escape into a world that switches effortlessly between classic '20s NYC gangsters and '80s Las Vegas casino pit bosses? Shoot, even early '90s Hollywood gets some sparkly, big haired, blue eyeshadow lovin' by the third book, in which Lucky reigns rightfully supreme over Panther Studios in typical roughneck Santangelo fashion. Jackie Collins is a hell of a writer, and her dazzling creation of Lucky "Lady Boss" Santangelo has proven to be the fictional character of my wet dreams.

P.S. The Lady Boss miniseries was pretty scandalous as well, with Kim Delaney couch-cast in the role she was clearly born to play.

dear rihanna,

As the esteemed $hort Dawg once poetically schooled Kelis: Bitch! Tell that man you a boss bitch! Make some noise, raise your hand if you a boss bitch! I don't think he understands you a BOSS BITCH!