Nothing matches the magic of watching a motion picture in the theatre. Today I got high off the aroma of hot buttered corn, slurped a turbo gulp, munched out on the tranny-fat snacks I smuggled in past the brood of unsmiling teenagers at the ticket rip-off booth, and leaned back to a hot sizzling cheese-atrical motion feature presentation called The Wrestler. This badass slice of cinema stars three rad movie stars I love, acting the roles of three timeless characters I never tire of: 1) Mickey Rourke as the fantastically delightful Randy "The Ram" Robinson, a kickass deli employee by day and superstar pro-wrestler by night; 2) Marisa Tomei as Cassidy/Pam, the stripper with the heart of gold and the yabbos of Betty White (and one badass bitch for shaking it to Lil Wayne in a greasy Jersey tittay bar) and 3) Evan Rachel Wood, bringing it in yet another tearjerker performance, this time as The Ram's emotionally distant, abandoned lesbian daughter Stephanie. Motorcycle Boy aka Mickey Roids obviously has insane amounts of charisma and athletic finesse, but it's his ability to express the downtrodden underdog we can all empathize with that really sets my coal black heart ablaze. If you're in the mood for a grimy sports drama mixed with powerfully emotional metaphors about the strange and sad plight of a sacrificial ram called Randy, then this is your joint.
Pros: Gory wrestling footage, groovy glitter spandex outfits, sweet bleach blonde weave, Jersey accents, hot soundtrack (Ratt, Scorpions, Quiet Riot, whaaat!!!)
Cons: Zilcho, buddy.
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