I am one of those chicks that apparently lacks the ability to make a long-term commitment to a 9-5 grind. I have made some creative career choices over the years and my multiple personality-suffering résumé belabors this point. I've been collecting paychecks since I was sixteen, and now some ten years later, I can cross off cocktail waitress, cubicle queen, kid wrangler, motel cleaning goddess, retail guru, phlebotomy vamp, porn peddler, dildo expert, librarian and data entry diva, not to mention myriad placements in temp-job hell, off my list of gigs worthy of pursuing (and hopefully not revisiting). That being said, one hustle that has always appealed to me is that of Phone Sex Artist, à la Judy in Spike Lee's Girl 6. Imagine if retro telephones in shades of periwinkle and Pepto-pink truly did rain from the sky and Naomi Campbell actually had the decency to take over your heavy breathing while you smoked a joint in the ladies room. Working from home would take on a whole new meaning as you simply yawn smutty clichés to sex-starved hucksters whilst fanning stacks of bills over your freshly polished fingernails as episodes of Dynasty play out on your newly acquired flat-screen TV. I suppose I always have had an irresistible attraction to smutty romantic dramedies that glamorize the sex trade industry. Who do I have to call to get hired already?
Here's a sleazy assortment of phone sex jams to inspire lusty language:
Love Thirst - Jean Grae
Naughty Girl - Beyoncé
Lovely Lady - Kool Keith
Black Shampoo - Wu Tang Clan
Money Make Me Come - Rick Ross & EbonyLove
I Will Take That Ride - Betty Davis
Darling Nikki - Prince
AA XXX - Peaches
Video Phone - Beyoncé
Nasty Girl - Vanity 6
Hot Spot - Foxy Brown
Pussy, Money, Weed - Lil Wayne
Sex Shooter - Vanity 6
Tennessee Slim Is The Bomb - Joi
Hello Operator - White Stripes
On The Hotline - Pretty Ricky
High Price - Ciara
Strangers - Portishead
Caress Me Down - Sublime
Splash Waterfalls - Luda!
Discipline - Miss Janet if u nasty
Erotic - Keyshia Cole
Hardly Wait - PJ Harvey
"Uh huh... 36DDD... Of course I'm rubbing them..."
